Cathedral Choir to use AUTOTUNE as Church brands Choristers “tone deaf”.
But it isn’t the first time they’ve interfered with the Choristers…
by Ophelia Haggarty
“Like a mixture of Tom Waits and Swedish Proto-Metal”
The Bishop of Salisbury has today announced plans to use Autotune for all future choral performances, after complaints from the congregation.
As Worshippers writhed and cringed through an unfortunate rendition of “The Lord’s My Shepherd” last Sunday, plans were already in place to provide electronic assistance to the current Cathedral Choir.
Spectators described the performance as sounding like “a mixture of Tom Waits and Swedish Proto-Metal”.
First aiders attended to one unlucky Church-goer, who complained of sore ears, migraine, and disorientation.
Used by artists such as Justin Bieber, Kanye West, and Cher, Autotune has become a popular way for the talentless to find success. Allowing even the most gravelly voice to sound like a heavenly angel.
History tells up this isn’t the first time Church officials have attempted to interfere with their Choristers, though. Up until 1963, Salisbury Cathedral still used the archaic “Ecclesiastical Clamp”, a device designed to help developing boys hit their high notes.
If sore ears, or even “clamping” are the alternatives, we’ll take Autotune any day!