Salisbury Guildhall to become CHARLIE’S KARAOKE PALACE as customer service empire continues.

Plans approved for Salisbury Karaoke Bar… IN THE GUILDHALL?

by Dickie Flasher

Dull? Drab? Not for long! Salisbury Guildhall is due a lick of pink paint, and a sea of neon signage, as exterior alterations approved. With rooftop sparklers to set the scene at Salisbury’s latest Hotspot.

Sometimes I wonder, what really happens inside the Guildhall? The interior of which is hardly a Salisbury Hotspot. But that is all set to change, as plans are approved to turn it in to Charlie’s Karaoke Palace.

Owner of Charlie’s Store, Charlie’s Cafe, and Charlie’s Fish & Chips, Kiwi businessman Arlotta Shups hopes to breathe a new life into the aging landmark, installing 24 private Karaoke booths, a jelly wrestling arena, plus a fully stocked bar with cocktail pitchers, champagne, and yards of ale just some of the many boozy treats on offer.

A considered buffet of freezer favourites and 70s party foods will keep the party going, with a complimentary Cheese and Pineapple Hedgehog with every booking.

Prospective Sonny and Cher’s will be free to sing the night away in brand new luxury booths, which feature USB charging ports, disco lights, and faux leather vinyl upholstery. 5k HD TV screens will render your favourite lyrics in retina-bursting clarity, with Bose bass-boosting speakers installed to evaporate your eardrums.

The current interior is boring and old. It will be destroyed in the renovation. But the iron balcony (center) will be retained for use as a DJ booth.

And the best bit? A weekly Jelly Wrestling Tournament. With members of the Sarum Pom-Poms Cheerleading Troupe taking on the Salisbury Sumo Association in an a match that has been preemptively touted as the “Fight of the Century”.

The Guildhall is just another piece of valuable real estate in the control of Mr. Shups, a New Zelander by birth, who emigrated in 1987. Public records show further expansion is underway, however, with applications for at least 5 more businesses in the pipeline, including a Wimpy Burger destined for the Cathedral Close. Though it’s unclear where it would fit.

If there’s one thing we can be sure about, though, it is that Arlotta Schups will be singing - and dancing - all the way to the bank.