Salisbury to become “England’s Amsterdam” as Cannabis Cafe plan approved.

Our sleepy city set to become a drug haven…

by Gerald Dust

Walking through Elizabeth Gardens, Culver Street Car Park, and Greencroft Park, you can smell a familiar whiff. Usually emanating from groups of hooded teenagers, the favourite pastime of Bob Marley, Bill Clinton, and Snoop Doggy-Dogg, has a strong following in Salisbury.

From budget cheese to the stickiest Maui-Waui, our streets are no stranger to the odd spliff or two. Now the council looks to share the love, embracing the city’s stoned complexion, and turning potential policing to public profit.

Jobless losers like this have spent years pushing for legalisation. If only they took their own lives so seriously. Liberal students will soon flood Salisbury, with their unwashed, patchy beards and hairy armpits giving pet groomers a new lease of life.

Red eyed revellers will be enthralled, with three Salisbury Cafes selected to trial the new scheme, which turns Salisbury into one of the top cannabis tourism destinations in Europe.

Local eateries The Fuzzy Chakra, Hazy Ed’s Tea Room, and General Fishy’s Reggae-Reggae Chip Shop have all been given the green light to sell the so called “Devil’s Lettuce”.

Under the new scheme, customers will be permitted to buy up to 1/2 oz of Marijuana to consume in store or at home, with pre-rolled joints and communal bongs available for the more casual user.

All this brings big expansion opportunities for Salisbury. As the scheme was revealed, planning applications were submitted in hoards for new fast food takeaways, tobacconists, and even a bean-bag cinema showing Cannabis-Culture favourites.

Cannabis cigarettes as large as this one will be seen in Salisbury soon. Hanging out of the mouth of a jobless video game fan, no doubt.

Council leaders promised increased tourism as a result, yet some residents are worried about increased cleaning costs. Snack wrapper litter, wacky baccy dog ends, and the dread “whitey” sick-up, all potential risk points.

Questions too were asked by the SADD (Salisbury Association of Drug Dealers), citing lost jobs, unfair competition, as well as an ongoing Police protection contract that could be invalidated.

Will it all be “Too Much Pressure” for our Tory echo chamber? Or can the council keep “Cool and Calm” as Salisbury becomes Britian’s answer to Amsterdam.